Archive for the 'General' Category

Watergate Bay in progress

Discovery does not come in the time you travel in a car, but in the moments you stop and take in a breath, stretching legs out after all of those miles. You see, for the first time in hours, even though you’ve been watching roads drift by like a silent film.

I always say the color blue was invented by a god in Monterey. There, the mountains of the Californian coast drip into the cool Pacific like a watercolor. There is a music in the air- a beatnik, quiet jazz, with a low, low upright bass swaying in synchronicity with the tide that breathes itself into you as you paddle about the bay, or just sit and drink the wine, lounging in Carmel.

But there are varying shades of blue, and I have found new blues in Cornwall. These are the grey- mist- water blues that are bred in the Atlantic skies and swathe the southern coasts of England in their cool arms. Getting out of the car, high up on a Cornish hill, I was dazzled by the cliffs which are etched at the end of this island, and the dramatic way that green fields can be painted with a subtle haze of cloud. The discovery comes when you can simply take it in, this picture in front of you, and realise: England is a bit more than you thought it was. Sure, there are sheep grazing, and cows next door to your car, but down those rugged cliffs, there’s a surfboard with your name on it. A surfboard: in England.

Watergate Bay is a surprise. It’s stunning in its complexities. The tide rises quickly, and suprises the lone sock and flipflop left on the length of beach with its sharp teeth. Mothers run in circles, unsure of what to pick up first, their baby or their handbag. There is a vicious rip tide (apparently) and waves which beckon you to listen and decipher, to try to understand. I think I was not in tune during this trip, the waves only sounding their white noise to me. But maybe I was only hearing that elusive static before getting the right frequency- I’m sure there was some faint picking at guitar strings, some hope of a rhythm, somewhere in that noise…I’ll go back to tune in, or tune out, again, when I can…

We stayed at the Watergate Bay Hotel for John’s birthday. This is a haven. Immediately it beckons, with a mix of grey shingles and shining glass, sturdy against the cliffs. It rises out of the rock as if it were part of it; nothing awkward about this building. Inside, worn leather couches and open fireplaces ask you to read, and the bar with full protected view of the bay invites you for a drink- number 13 white, please, whatever that was- a beautiful pinot grigio or chardonnay, I can’t remember…

The rooms are straight out of interior design exemplar books: simple, understated, elegent. It’s exciting to see high tech CD plyers nestled into the furniture of a hotel bedroom- the soundtracks of your life are always better when you can compose them yourself- Radio 1 is not to be trusted on such occasions. There were swanky Italian-looking fixtures in the bathroom, although slightly complicated to work- with a tub big enough for two comfortably- even John, who is so tall, could stretch out if I let him. And the perfect touch: three rubber duckies waiting for us by the side. I have to note, the ducks could not swim, and I am still slightly alarmed for their well being in less attentive hands.

We arrived early and I checked in for a massage happily, with a warning upon exit that as I was covered in oil, the blue hazed sun would find its way through clouds and douse me with a burn if I was not careful. John had a bottle of wine waiting for me at the bar, which they promplty handed over and sent me outside to the deck to read. Bliss.

We made dinner reservations at 8, and I was pleased to see that a reservation actually got you preferential seating. We were at a good table for two by the window overlooking the hills from one seat, and the ocean from the other. We had gorgeous food- chicken liver pate with chutney or crab with watercress to start, followed by yummy local white fish with interesting potatoes. There was a dessert buffet, but our waitress brought over something chocolate with a birthday candle and, sweetly, did not sing for John. As ever with John, when there is dessert about, get a bite in as quickly as possible, because it won’t last for long.

Breakfast was included, and we had another great tabel by the window. Sadly, we were expected to leave our room byt 10:30. I hate when hotels do that…noon is a respectable time, 11, I suppose, if you’re in a rush. This hotel knows what they’re doing, though- for every half hour you stay after 10:30, you are charged £15.00. John was more prompt then ever. It’s not so bad, though, as you’re welcome to stay for as long as you’d like throughout the day. Our surfing lesson was scheduled for for afternoon, so we laid on the decks and read.

The view from the room’s balcony was perfection: animated art, really, with the hills sloping severly at one side, and a wide open sweep of the bay at the other. During the night, we left the sliding glass door open and felt the ocean’s cool on our faces. I want to live there. In that room. I cried when I left.

It’s May, sometime.

I don’t really know how to post anything on this site. Will have to figure that out at some point. If you’re trying to post something here, just press any link and hope it takes you to this ‘write post’ page. Very confusing.
‘Today I am going to kill something. Anything’…from Carol ANne Duffy. Is that not just one of the best first lines of a poem? It’s probably not even right- I mean, I probably mis-quoted. I am teaching it. From the Anthology. I had the luck and chance to meet Carol Anne Duffy last spring at a cool poet-y place in London. (One day I hope to look back on my life and think, ‘Hmm. I met Carol Anne Duffy at a cool poet-y place in London.’ Today is not that day.)
Today, the real today, my today, I am not at school. I should be teaching that poem and a million more, really, but instead I am locked in the confines of my house, dealing with a poorly kidney. A kidney. Who gets a sick day for a kidney, I ask you? Me. And it’s boring. And there’s another thing…
Today we get a new car. We, John and me. A little car I’ve been dreaming of a long time. I’ve told myself it’s to celebrate the successes in my life. To celebrate the ‘I’ve accomplished a few things I said I would accomplish’ thing. But so what? I mean, people are surviving all sorts of stuff I’ve never fully contemplated. War, war, war, starvation, true poverty, a million other terrible things. But I suppose those survivors wouldn’t want a car to celebrate with. Those survivors, their success, will be measured by the beating of their hearts. I will take my new little buggy, at least for as long as I can, and be gratefull for the beating of my heart. And the wind in my hair as I’m tearing through the south of France. At a sensible speed, of course.

Tracing

I memorized it, like a poem.

The lines of your face and
the scruff of your unshaven cheeks
and the light from the street that gleams off your back, as you sleep.

And I held it so close,in my mind,in my heart, buried in my soul.

Until touching you became touching me.

We created a palimpsest;a set
of words and words,and words to write.
In flesh a million times:

the history that is
us.

travelling; this is not a poem

Across so many miles in so few minutes, and I wonder where the time has gone? I can see it on my face. The subtle changes wear on me like something I didn’t really want, something I’m not quite comfortable with.
I ran through Iceland to get to Key West to see people joining lives which had been joined by fate some ten years ago.
From there, I journeyed north a little, so see my friend whom I shall be linked with through whispers of the heart for eternity; just to see her is like intorducing a wave of calm into my personal tides.
Further north, I realised my cousins’ dreams in their new four walls where a home is made.
Again, north, to where I think I discovered myself, but before I discovered where I was heading (I am always looking to discover myself, actually…), and I found my very good friend and her very wonderful lover and we drank wine and wine and wine again, and I remembered what it was like to be me, if only for a minute.
Northwest this time, to see my brothers and the children who will grow up with all of our memories to share and pass on and grow from.
This was over two and a half weeks. London to Iceland to Baltimore. Baltimore to Fort Lauderdale. A cruise to Key West for the wedding of those very special cousins. Cruising on to Cozumel for a day, and then back to Baltimore via Key West and Pompano. Through Porstmouth to Allenstown,NH and back through Iceland…to home, in Cambridge.
Home?
Could it be that I have found this place I will live- not only live, but make a life? I feel the urge, now, to hang pictures. To find things which define me and make this space my own.
We have been gardening. Clematis, gladioli, iris, tomatoes, peppers, lettuce, onions, wild flowers, bulbs… You can never own the earth. I find myself ‘wanting’ things, then berating my greed, my ‘need’ for stuff…as if a roof and love and plenty of groceries weren’t enough to make me happy. (They are, really, when I remember to put my perspective on).
So, personal goals for today: relax. Relax into myself. Relax about everything around me. Breathe. Enjoy. (In a million histories of me, you see the same words floating through diary pages- why is peace so hard to sustain?)
Personal greeds for the day: get a car, find a house, make it ours.

downstairs (a work in progress)

You are building our bed.
The wood, sitting on the kitchen floor for months
is forging its way into furniture.
Will you build this bed like you have built this love?
Slow, steady, with bursts of passion?
Worshipping every curve, angle, the grain of the wood
with your eyes, your hands,
taking your time over it, afraid to make a mistake, to make a cut
or bruise that perfect piece of hope.
The blade rips, massages, chips away the straight backed form.
Then, in front of us, our bed.