Archive for April, 2005

Tracing

Published by Nicole on April 13, 2005 in General and poems. 0 Comments

I memorized it, like a poem.

The lines of your face and
the scruff of your unshaven cheeks
and the light from the street that gleams off your back, as you sleep.

And I held it so close,in my mind,in my heart, buried in my soul.

Until touching you became touching me.

We created a palimpsest;a set
of words and words,and words to write.
In flesh a million times:

the history that is
us.

travelling; this is not a poem

Published by Nicole on April 13, 2005 in General. 0 Comments

Across so many miles in so few minutes, and I wonder where the time has gone? I can see it on my face. The subtle changes wear on me like something I didn’t really want, something I’m not quite comfortable with.
I ran through Iceland to get to Key West to see people joining lives which had been joined by fate some ten years ago.
From there, I journeyed north a little, so see my friend whom I shall be linked with through whispers of the heart for eternity; just to see her is like intorducing a wave of calm into my personal tides.
Further north, I realised my cousins’ dreams in their new four walls where a home is made.
Again, north, to where I think I discovered myself, but before I discovered where I was heading (I am always looking to discover myself, actually…), and I found my very good friend and her very wonderful lover and we drank wine and wine and wine again, and I remembered what it was like to be me, if only for a minute.
Northwest this time, to see my brothers and the children who will grow up with all of our memories to share and pass on and grow from.
This was over two and a half weeks. London to Iceland to Baltimore. Baltimore to Fort Lauderdale. A cruise to Key West for the wedding of those very special cousins. Cruising on to Cozumel for a day, and then back to Baltimore via Key West and Pompano. Through Porstmouth to Allenstown,NH and back through Iceland…to home, in Cambridge.
Home?
Could it be that I have found this place I will live- not only live, but make a life? I feel the urge, now, to hang pictures. To find things which define me and make this space my own.
We have been gardening. Clematis, gladioli, iris, tomatoes, peppers, lettuce, onions, wild flowers, bulbs… You can never own the earth. I find myself ‘wanting’ things, then berating my greed, my ‘need’ for stuff…as if a roof and love and plenty of groceries weren’t enough to make me happy. (They are, really, when I remember to put my perspective on).
So, personal goals for today: relax. Relax into myself. Relax about everything around me. Breathe. Enjoy. (In a million histories of me, you see the same words floating through diary pages- why is peace so hard to sustain?)
Personal greeds for the day: get a car, find a house, make it ours.